A Proposal for Temperature Synchronisation

As I’m sure you’ve all noticed, temperature measurements are a mess. In one place, the temperature may be 8°C, while in another it is 25°C! Are we to sit here and accept this state of temperature anarchy? I say no more!

I suggest a new protocol, the Network Thermometer Protocol (NTP for short) that will synchronise our temperature readings in accordance with what I like to call the “Universal Temperature Consensus” (UTC for short) to get us all closer to True Temperature.

And just as with the Time Protocol, the revolutionary new Thermometer Protocol will have algorithms to disqualify the false reporters; or “false tickers” as it’s known as with the Time Protocol. We won’t let nay-saying servers in South America telling us a different temperature when most of our European thermometers have already determined that the True Temperature is, in fact, 10°C!

Oh, but the temperature is supposed to be higher in the south, you say? Well, I got the solution to that as well: The UTC offset! Simply add or subtract from the Universal Temperature in accordance with your region, and you have your local temperature! And what might your offset be, you may ask? Hey, don’t look at me, I’m no Meteorologist. I don’t know…

But, my friends, there’s one issue we need to discuss how to overcome: How do we go about dealing with packet loss during stormy weather? Could the NTP packets evaporate during heat waves, and freeze during blizzards? While the Time Protocol will resend lost packets, should the Thermometer Protocol perhaps reheat frozen packets, and rate limit the ones who are coming in too hot?

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